The Hep-Cat Manifesto

Now that the new year is well under way, it is time for the world to understand the meaning of "hep." As this decade progresses, our movement will blossom. Join and see.
Below is the hipster. Everything is only for the image. He is holding a trusty trust fund check from his parents, wears beat-up old Vans. He skates; or at least pretends to. He lives in Brooklyn with a bunch of other bandmates, and they make music that no one buys and play at shows that no one attends except neighborhood deadheads. His bed is his favorite place; he is exclusive, and is resentful of everyone he doesn't know. He slouches continually, is always aware despite his appearance of insouciance, and is extremely rude. He is promiscuous and close with his friends. He has a lot of money, an ambiguous job, and secretly likes chick flicks. Also, he is obsessed with macaroni and cheese and video games.

We are the hep-cats and we're bringing the small town to the big city. We are inclusive, kind, congenial; we smile when we make eye contact, and nod -- it's not the half smile of yes I'm noticing your existence and trying to be polite about it, but a real smile of, gorgeous day to be alive idn't it? We aren't bored and listless with our trust fund money, if we have trust fund money we're grateful for it and keep our family close for it. We don't make you a present of our opinions in a priggish, too-cool fashion; we discuss and debate, we read poetry and literature, drink espresso in one shot and if we're in the mood to sip, order macchiatos. We value substance over style, but we keep it fresh too; to describe our fashion would be only to limit and stereotype it, let's just say we dig on plaid. This is the era of the hep-cats.